5 years ago...
First published Jan 12th, 2016
Five years ago tomorrow I started out on my journey into motherhood.
On the 13th January 2011 at 21:50 our Elijah came into this world. I want to say I remember the moment so clearly but to be honest I was so tired by the time he finally arrived that it is a bit of a blur.
One of the things I do remember – and sadly this has been the case for all three children – is that I wasn’t the first person to hold my baby. I remember looking at Elijah from my lying down position while I was being stitched back up (sorry maybe a bit of an over share!) and thinking that is our baby.
I remember the day after, as we took our precious bundle home and as we were driving down the road back home, sitting next to Elijah thinking
‘Oh my goodness we are responsible for this little life!’
Today as I look at our three children I still feel that same sense of ‘oh my goodness!’
So what have I learnt since that life altering moment five years ago?
I’ve learnt about a love I didn’t know existed. A love that is nothing like any other love.
I’ve learnt that it is possible to experience every and any kind of emotions all in one day – this is mainly brought on by sleep deprivation.
I’ve learnt what a gift it is to sit on the toilet by myself and treasure that fleeting moment before hearing those words: ‘Mammy, Mammy, where are you?’
I’ve learnt that a ‘perfect mother’ is an oxymoron.
I’ve learnt that you can be surrounded by lots of people and be doing lots of activities with your little ones but still feel lonely.
I’ve learnt that friends are the family you choose for yourself. Having my family live hundreds and at times thousands of miles away this has been very true. And I thank God for the people He has put in our lives along this journey.
I’ve learnt what it is to panic and be in a constant state of worry over something you have no control over.
I’ve learnt that no child is the same!
I’ve learnt how far I could let myself go and be ok with that (dry shampoo, getting clothes out of the dirty laundry to wear again is all ok now!)
I’ve learnt that no matter how many times I mess up – and this is often on a daily basis – that my kids still love me.
I’ve learnt how comfortable elasticated waistbands are.
I’ve learnt that motherhood is not done in isolation.
But most important of all I’ve learnt that motherhood is something that evolves and that however hard I may try will never get it 100% perfect and that’s ok.
Motherhood is time, it’s about making memories with my children, it’s about being in the moment. It’s about saying ‘slow down’, ‘don’t worry about the dishes’, ‘go, sit and play make believe’.
Motherhood is a learning journey not to be rushed. Because you blink and before you know it your baby is 5!